19 Mar How to write your own wedding vows
Writing your own wedding vows can be tricky. It can often feel overwhelming, as you sit down and attempt to sum up all your dreams, loves and promises to your soon-to-be spouse – all in just a few, short minutes! As daunting as this might be, it gives you a unique chance to tell your story, and to give your guests an insight into what makes your relationship tick.
Most importantly, it’s a chance to share meaningful, sweet words with the person you love. It’s very rare that you’ll find another intimate experience quite like it. It’s an opportunity to bare your heart to your other half in front of all of your friends and family. So, if you’re up to the challenge, we’re here to help! Here’s our five quick and easy tips for writing your own wedding vows.
Talk to your partner
One of the most difficult parts about exchanging vows is worrying about how people will compare your words in comparison to your partner’s. Were his longer? Did she get more sentimental? Did he make everyone laugh? Did she make everyone cry? Instead of viewing it as a competition with your future spouse, get on the same page with each other about your expectations. You don’t have to reveal what you’re going to say to each other, but come to an agreement on the following:
- How long will the vows be?
- Will you share inside jokes or keep it more generic?
- Do you want to incorporate religious or traditional elements in the vows?
Consider these as food for thought, and don’t be afraid to ask your partner if you’re stuck on anything else! Once you have a game plan in mind, the writing will be easy.
Have a plan
This ties in with the above. It’s great to discuss the dos and don’ts, but it’s also imperative to have a plan when it comes to putting the pen to paper. The first step to writing your vows should be to create a list. Jot all the things down that you love about your partner, and what you’re looking forward to most about married life. What promises do you want to make to them? Then put the list aside for a day or so, before going back and highlighting your favourite items on the list.
Once you’ve made your list, done your research and written your first draft, give yourself some space. Like above, a little separation from your vows will do a whole lot of good. Do this once or twice, but nothing more. Your vows were written from the heart and continuously re-writing will drive you crazy! Don’t put that kind of pressure on yourself.
Remember what vows are about
What promises do you vow to your partner to keep today, tomorrow, and always? It’s a big question because it’s a big deal, and it’s helpful to think seriously about what you’re promising your future husband/wife. A vow is a serious commitment, which you’re making in front of a whole lot of witnesses, but that doesn’t mean they have to be heavy. You can vow to stick by their side forever, but to also be the one to kill the spiders whenever they creep into the house! And if you really want to express your feelings to your partner, you can consider writing separate love letters to one another to share before the ceremony.
Share the highs and lows
Many people make the mistake of believing that vows are only about the highs in your relationship, but guests (and your spouse-to-be) want to hear vows that are real. If you’ve been through bumpy patches where you thought you wouldn’t make it as a couple, or where one of you had physical or emotional hardships, you should express that.
Skipping these hard parts, the moments that made you realise your partner would be there for you through it all, can create a lack of realism that alienates your guests. Sprinkling the lows among the highs will confirm what everyone wants to hear and feel at your wedding; that love is not simply a feeling, but a choice, and that you and your partner are choosing to love one another.
Make a fresh copy for the ceremony
Whether you typed your vows up or wrote them on a napkin in a restaurant, you might want to consider how they’ll look when they come out of the best man’s pocket at the ceremony. Of course, the focus will be on the words, but aesthetics matter too. Do you really want to be holding a crumpled, stained piece of paper on your wedding photos? Copy your vows neatly into a notebook or onto a clean piece of neatly folded paper. Plus, this way you’ll be able to frame or hang them in your home when the wedding is done!